Facts about Domestic Violence

Now, I can't take credit for this blog post. I found this posting on another website and felt the need to share the shocking statistics it discusses. Quotes will indicate portions taken from the original article found here: 

\http://www.huffingtonpost.com/soraya-chemaly/50-actual-facts-about-dom_b_2193904.html

"In the time it takes me to write this paragraph, 26 people -- given our statistics probably all women -- will be assaulted by an intimate partner in the U.S. In the roughly 48 hours between my writing and posting, at least six women in the US and hundreds if not thousands around the world will be killed by violent spouses."

This is an unimaginable, unacceptable statement. How can we sit by and let statistics like this exist and even continue to get worse?! We can't. It's up to me, to you, to our community, and our government to intervene and make sure it doesn't continue to increase!

"the U.S. is squarely in the middle of the global pack as far as the physical safety of women is concerned, and a large part of the reason why is our high rates of intimate partner and domestic violence....the worldwide proliferation of small arms exponentially increases the threats that women and children face. This is a special problem in the U.S. where, although we are not a militarized zone in technical terms, we rank No. 1 in the world for guns/per capita, with 88 guns/100 people -- far exceeding the second on the list, Serbia, at 58.2/100. Access to firearms increases the chance of deadly domestic violence five-fold in the U.S. Internationally, especially in militarized areas where people are actively engaged in warfare or where the state is abusive and heavily armed, the threats are far greater."

Now, I am not trying to start a gun control battle by re-posting that last statement. But, seriously if a gun is not in the house, how is one going to use a gun against another. I for one understand those who want to protect themselves, especially since the bad guys will still have guns. I also understand that guns don't kill people by themselves. But you can't deny the truth behind household guns increasing the chance of deadly domestic violence, especially if domestic violence is already taking place.  

"I often hear something along these lines: if only these women would just LEAVE their abusers. It's simple. A matter of poor choices and female weakness. In addition, everyone knows, women "gold diggers and frauds" lie about these things..."

I have posted about stereotypes in the past as well as common misconceptions surrounding domestic violence. I cannot tell you how angry I get when I hear someone say 'well, she should just leave.' Those words...just leave...tells me that you don't understand what's going on. I hope to educate those people who think the best advice is 'just leave' so that they are better prepared to help someone being abused. Those words can make someone shut off from you so quick and that is not what we want! We want to make sure we are understanding and empathetic to what they are going through...not cold-hearted advice givers.

Now I know how it is to read long blog posts. This post is more about spreading awareness of the problem; making it clear that this is a world-wide, community issue. I want to end with the 50 facts that were posted in the article but I encourage you to read the original article at the link posted above as there is much I left out. As I stated before, awareness starts with understanding the scope of the problem. Then we can learn how to combat it.

50 Facts About Domestic Violence

1. Number of U.S. troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq: 6,614:
2. Number of women, in the same period, killed as the result of domestic violence in the US: 11,766
3. Number of people per minute who experience intimate partner violence in the U.S.: 24
4. Number of workplace violence incidents in the U.S. annually that are the result of current or past intimate partner assaults: 18,700
5. Number of women in the U.S. who report intimate partner violence: 1 in 4
6. Number of men in the U.S. who report intimate partner violence: 1 in 7*
7. Number of women who will experience partner violence worldwide: 1 in 3
8. Order of causes of death for European women ages 16-44: domestic violence, cancer, traffic accidents
9. Increase in likelihood that a woman will die a violent death if a gun in present in the home: 270 percent
10. Number of women killed by spouses who were shot by guns kept by men in the home in France and South Africa: 1 in 3
11. Percentage of the 900 million small arms that are kept in the home, worldwide: 75
12. Country in which 943 women were killed in honor killings in 2011: Pakistan
13. City in which man "butchered" his wife in front of their six children in 2012: Berlin
14. States in which man decapitated his wife with a chainsaw in 2010 and another man did the same, respectively: Texas and New York
15. Percentages of people killed in the U.S. by an intimate partner: 30 percent of women, 5.3 percent of men.
16. Number of gay and transsexual men who experience domestic violence in the U.S.: 2 in 5 (similar to heterosexual women)
17. Percentage of the 31 Senate votes cast against the Violence Against Women Act that came from older, white, male Republicans: 95.8
18. Percentage of the 31 Senate votes cast against the Violence Against Women Act that came from a younger, male Republicans, at least one of whom sits on the Science Committee but is unable to say how old the Earth is: 4.2
19. Number of legal, medical, professional, faith-based and advocacy groups that signed a letter protesting the stripped-down VAWA: 300
20. First year that the Republican-led House of Representatives eroded VAWA of provisions designed to increase protections for Native Americans, immigrant women, members of the LGTBQ community and, yes, men: 2012
21. Estimated number of children, worldwide, exposed to domestic violence everyday: 10,000,000
22. Worldwide, likelihood that a man who grew up in a household with domestic violence grows up to be an abuser: 3 to 4 times more likely than if he hadn't.
23. Chance that a girl of high school age in the U.S. experiences violence in a dating relationship: 1 in 3
24. Percentage of teen rape and abuse victims who report their assailant as an intimate: 76
25. Percentage of U.S. cities citing domestic abuse as the primary cause of homelessness: 50
26. Percentage of homeless women reporting domestic abuse: 63
27. Percentage of homeless women with children reporting domestic abuse: 92
28. Percentage of women with disabilities who report violence: 40
29. Annual cost of domestic violence in the U.S. related to health care: $5.8 billion
30. Annual cost of domestic violence in the U.S. related to emergency care plus legal costs, police work, lost productivity: 37 billion dollars
31. Annual number of jobs lost in the U.S. as a result of intimate partner violence: 32,000
32. Percentage change between 1980 and 2008 of women and men killed by intimate partners in the U.S.: (w) 43 percent to 45 percent; (m) 10 percent to 5 percent
33. Average cost of emergency care for domestic abuse related incidents for women and men according to the CDC: $948.00 for women, $387 for men
34. Increase in portrayals of violence against girls and women on network TV during a five year period ending in 2009: 120 percent
35. The number one cause of death for African American women ages 15-34 according to the American Bar Association: homicide at the hands of a partner
36. Chance that a lesbian** in the U.S. will experience domestic (not necessarily intimate partner) violence: 50 percent
37. Chances that a gay man experiences domestic violence: 2 out of 5*
38. Ratio of women shot and killed by a husband or intimate partner compared to the total number of murders of men by strangers using any time of weapon, from 2002 homicide figures: 3X
39. Number of people who will be stalked in their lifetimes: 1 in 45 men and 1 in 12 women (broken out: 17 percent of American Indian and Alaska Native women; 8.2 percent of white women, 6.5 pecent of African American women, and 4.5 percent of Asian/Pacific Islander women)
40. Percentage of stalkers identified as known to victims: 90.3
41. Percentage of abused women in the U.S. who report being strangled by a spouse in the past year: 33 to 47.3 (this abuse often leaves no physical signs)
42. According to one study, percentage of domestic abuse victims who are tried to leave after less severe violent and nonviolent instances of abuse: 66 versus less than 25
43. Average number of times an abuser hits his spouse before she makes a police report: 35
44. No. 1 and No. 2 causes of women's deaths during pregnancy in the U.S.: Domestic homicide and suicide, often tied to abuse
45. Number of women killed by spouses who were shot by guns kept by men in the home in the United States: 2 in 3
46. Percentage of rape and sexual assault victims under the age of 18 who are raped by a family member: 34
47. Number of women killed everyday in the U.S. by a spouse: 3+
48. The primary reason cited by right-wing conservatives for objecting to the Violence Against Women Act: To protect the family.
49. Percentage reduction in reports of violence after men and women in South Africa went through an educational training program on health, domestic violence and gender norms: 55
50. Number of members of Congress who have gone through an educational training program on health, economics, violence, and gender norms: 0

How can you spread awareness today? How can we resolve this issue as a community? These statistics are staggering and unacceptable! I challenge you to do one thing a day, or even a week, that will help decrease violence in your community. How are you going to do it? Share it with us!

A painful journey

Today my best friend would have been 27 years old. I still celebrate her life even though on June 5, 2011 her life was taken by the hands of someone who “loved” her.  Even the most basic, stripped down version of love cannot comprehend hurting the person you say you love.  Shannon was a wonderful person who cared only for others and put herself last. Her family, kids, and friends were always her priority. That was true love. Birthdays, anniversaries, and major life events are all still so hard to deal with when they come.  It’s not fair that she and we must suffer because of the selfish act of someone else. But the purpose of this blog is to share her story and to eventually make sure no one else has to experience what Shannon went through.

It’s still so hard to believe she is no longer here. We spent so much time together, had so many memories, so many laughs. It seems I discover something new around my house or car or somewhere at least weekly from our time together. I cherish these mementos.

A few pictures from the past...

 

One thing I can say for sure is that our experience with losing Shannon has given me more empathy than I ever though imaginable for others going through something similar.  For those of you who are in the healing process, or those of you who are experiencing violence, please know that you’re not alone. There is a whole community that is ready and willing to be there for you. To get a little personal, I remember feeling that there was no way the pain would get easier, I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I felt like the world I knew was crumbling, like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t concentrate; I barely remember the healing process. I feel there are a couple months in there that I’m missing from my memory. I went into survival mode, I think, walking around and doing my routine but not realizing it.  I felt so alone, like no one could understand how I felt like I was going crazy, screaming on the inside with grief. I’m here to tell you that this is normal! The word I was dying to hear at the time…normal. What I was feeling was normal.

No one should have to feel this way. Let’s make our generation the last to have to deal with the aftermath of domestic violence. It doesn’t have to be this way. But, domestic violence is a community issue and it will take the whole community to stop it. SPEAK UP…IT COULD SAVE A LIFE!

To be a little cliché, think about how 1 Corinthians 13 defines love. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Even if you are not religious, this is the definition of love. Does your relationship fit these guidelines or are you experiencing a love is quick to anger, manipulative, dangerous, and even painful? Are you being put down instead of built up? That is not love.