Domestic violence is not typically a one time occurrence. IT IS A CYCLE. This is in part due to these "breaks" in the abuse where the victim may even believe it will never happen again.
The cycle of violence tool helps explain how victims are not able to remove themselves from their situation. Knowing that it is normal to get “stuck” in this cycle can help a victim realize they are not alone and they can start seeing this cycle for what it is; manipulation. As you can see in the cycle below, there are three main stages; the honeymoon stage, the tension building stage, and the acute explosion phase. Perpetrators and victims have different experiences and emotions at each stage.
The Honeymoon Stage:
This is typically the first stage of the cycle of violence. It is typically the relaxed, happy time in a relationship. If violence has occurred in the past, it is the break between incidents when the victim believes the perpetrator will change. This is the phase that is easy to remember for victims and keeps her in the relationship. This phase will also begin to disappear the longer the cycle continues.
During this phase
The victim may:
- Set up counseling for the abuser
- Drop legal proceedings
- Agree to return, stay or take him back
- Be hopeful or relieved
- Be happy
- Apologize
- Promise it won’t happen again
- Justify the behavior
- Blame drugs or alcohol
- Declare love for the victim
- Want to be intimate
- Buy gifts
- Promise to get help
- Cry
- Threaten suicide
The Tension Building Stage
The next stage is the tension building stage and is characterized by emotional abuse. This is when the abuse is beginning to get agitated and has small outbursts towards the victim. The victim attempts to justify the abuser’s actions in order to deny what is about to happen. The victim may also detach herself emotionally. The victim can become exhausted by attempts to restore equilibrium. The abuser sees this as a time he can become more controlling and possessive. This is often the longest stage.
During this phase,
The victim:
- Attempts to calm the abuser
- Tries to reason with the abuser
- Tries to satisfy the abuser with food, gifts, etc.
- Agrees with the abuser
- Avoids the abuser
- Withdraws from close relationships
- Is compliant
- Nurtures the abuser
- Is sensitive and easily set off
- Nitpicks
- Yells
- Withholds affection
- Puts down the victim
- Threatens
- Has erratic behavior
- Destroys property
- Accuses the victim of unfaithfulness
- Isolates the victim
- Engages the victim in arguments
Acute Explosion Phase
The final stage, acute explosion stage, is the actual incidence of violent outburst. This is often the shortest stage; characterized by a particularly bad blow up. Over time, this stage will begin to occur more frequently and intensely.
During this stage,
The victim may:
- Protect self
- Try to reason & calm the abuser
- Or may not call the police
- Leave
- Fight back
- Verbally abuse and humiliate
- Slap, punch, kick, choke, grab
- Force sex
- Prevent the victim from calling the police
- Prevent the victim from leaving
- Harass & abuse children
- Restrain the victim
- Stalk the victim
- Use weapons
- Throw objects
Factors that perpetuate the cycle:
Denial:
At the center of the cycle is denial. Denial is what keeps this cycle going. Denial that anything is wrong, denial that it will happen again, denial that it could ever escalate to something more.
Control:
At times you will see control in the center of the cycle as well. The control an abuser can place over a victim can initiate such fear and confusion in a victim that it too can perpetuate the cycle.
The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.
Showing a victim of domestic violence this cycle can help normalize her experience. Showing this to an abuser can help them to realize the cycle and control they have put on their partner.
The worse case scenario is if this cycle is never interrupted and it results in critical injury or death. We need to make sure victims of domestic violence can recognize that this is a cycle and it is not likely going to end, especially "magically" on it’s own. They need strength, support, as well as safety in order to decide to break the cycle.
Spreading awareness helps break the cycle!
No comments:
Post a Comment